Perimenopunk Tips for Sharing the Second Shift

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This pic has been going around Facebook the last couple of weeks.

Have dinner ready – no, just no

If you happen to be married to a man, your husband can make his own fucking dinner, and/or when family dinners are a priority he can cook on some of those nights too. When he doesn’t, he can wait until you’ve gotten home, probably after getting groceries on your way from work, and had a chance to cook said dinner that you wanted to start an hour earlier but couldn’t because your job kept you late. Everyone should be planning ahead for dinner. Your husband should be communicating with you about what needs to be defrosted or bought from the store. Cooking meals for you and your family saves money and ensures healthier eating, but leaving all the planning and prep to one person when both partners are working is just cruel. Planning and preparing meals takes up a lot of psychic energy and the burden should be shared.

Prepare yourself/Take care of yourself because no one else is going to

Take care of yourself. Take off your goddamn bra; take it off in the car. When you get home, if you feel like putting on a loose-fitting house dress, do it. If you feel like going straight into your pajamas fine, but for crap sake, take off that bra, put on some chanklas, cuddle up on the couch with your kid, or if yours is a teen, with a cuddly pet.

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Sometimes this perimenoponkera can’t even wait to leave work before taking off her bra

Clear Away Clutter

Your husband can pick up his own shit so you don’t have to do it after you’ve worked all day long and plan on cooking dinner too. Make your kids to pick up their shit too. “Your house should be a haven” for you all to rest in. You should also be able to lay on the couch dead tired and not have to look at back packs, soccer shoes, jackets, sheet music, and junk mail.

Prepare the children

Hold small children close, but prepare older children to cook, clean, and pick up after themselves. Teach them not to be total dicks who expect others to do everything for them. Teach them to help others when others are ill, injured, or elderly.

Minimize all noise *snort*

Play whatever music you like as loud as you like, especially if you’re cooking or cleaning. Play X-Ray Spex, David Bowie, Downtown Boys, Adam Ant, Selena, or The Clash. When you have time play you’re your instrument, uncover the drums and play them, practice the guitar. On weekends ( when the neighbors’ children are not napping), turn the amp up to 11.

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Play a baby drum set if you have to!

Some do’s

Do make sure any children understand that they have two parents and both can be called upon to help with homework, discuss school, the weekly schedule, make doctor’s appointments, and sign field trip forms shoved in their face at the last second. And make it clear that you expect everyone in the house to help clean up after dinner before going off to watch their shows, surf the internet, or do their homework

Some don’ts

Don’t just do everything around the house because it’s easier than asking for help, because you’re better at washing dishes, or because they don’t know how to operate appliances. Don’t perpetuate gender roles by being unwilling to teach your husband to do shit that he somehow didn’t learn somewhere else along the way.

Make him comfortable

Um, I’m not fluffing anyone’s pillows who is past the age of four years old.

Listen to him *rolls eyes*

I’m sure I’ve never seen a list that urges husbands to listen to their wives.

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PC: The Digital Artist via Pixabay

Make the evening his

What about you? What about your evening?

The goal

Take back your life. You are perimenopausal and you are tired of working for free; you want to sit back and relax too, unwind, read a book, sip a glass of wine, renew yourself “in body and spirit” and not have to wait until your dead.

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The author in her fave house dress and no bra

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